writing space for now

As throngs of friends have been yelling at me to watch the goddess’ IU’s new drama, I have finally succumbed. (Also I finally finished watching To The Beautiful You.)

So far, I really like the story – I’m thinking it’s a genderbent Goblin with a cleaner, smoother story path. Hotel de Luna is a boarding house for the souls of the deceased, and it is helmed by vengeful, money-loving, dazzling Jang Man-Wol. Would I die for her outfits? Absolutely. Please, someone give IU’s stylist a raise.

Then we get a little bit of a Beauty and the Beast type storyline, where a thief accidentally ends up in the hotel and plucks a flower from a decaying tree in the garden. Jang Man-Wol takes this as a sign to spare the man’s life. In exchange, he must promise her the son who asked for the flower, to serve her in about 20 years.

The first episode is overall promising, and I’m hyped for it right now. I’ll leave the blog post at that, since I’m still not feeling so well to write a lot. Toodles!

I missed last week’s entry as I went out to watch a movie, and because the WiFi at home was broken, so I’ll make up for it by writing about two things tonight.

Obviously, the movie I watched last Saturday was indeed, Frozen II. I’ve been hyped for it since the trailer, since it looked darker and not-quite-for-children. I’m happy to say I was right.

As I cannot share spoilers or even details about the film, I’ll just ramble on the feelings I feel about it.

We follow the main cast a few years from where we left them, and since learning to read, Olaf has become the most relatable, comic, and tragic character in the film – a scene stealer. He’s going through it. He’s marvelling sadly about how things seem to be changing rapidly, and how everyone is growing older. He has great hopes for becoming wiser in he grows up. All the adults in the movie house vibed with Olaf’s proclamations, and his lines can well encompass my everyday moods.

Anna is more optimistic about this, probably because she’s the only one who doesn’t know that change is around the corner. Elsa’s being weird, and Kristoff is trying his best at project management. I won’t even begin to touch the whole thing with Elsa because it was A LOT to absorb, speaking with a 21-year old brain here.

The story moves so quickly and takes such complicated ways to get where it needs to go, that it just got really confusing and difficult to chew on.

More palatable this time around is Kristoff, who has grown to be one of my favorite Disney Princes. He and Anna portray a refreshing, healthy kind of couple – even if things go wrong, he’s solidly there. Kristen Bell already spoiled this on a talk show, but his says a line that really just shoots arrow pangs into my heart: “My love is not fragile.” I also really, really love Kristoff’s solo song (which was covered by Weezer!)

The songs this time around are still very good (shoutout to Brendon Urie and Taeyeon for their versions), and I got a lot of chills watching the whole movie. Overall, it will take you on a rollercoaster, and it’s not for everyone, but I enjoyed it immensely. I really need to rewatch it so I can sort the mess in my head.

On the other hand, I went out for dinner last night at Soban K-Town Grill in Greenbelt 3. It was around 550 for two people, plus service charge. It offered unlimited side dishes (including some I’ve never encountered before, like a mashed potato-macaroni salad hybrid which was good), around three plates of meat, and coffee jelly desserts served in cocktail glasses.

I wish I got to try some of my favorite dishes there, like tteobokki and gimbap, which were reasonably priced but out of my personal budget’s range. The music they played was mostly BTS, which is understandable.

I didn’t really like the ambience, because it was a wee too dark for me. The part of the grill that sucks up smoke also prevented my friend and I from conversing properly, so that wasn’t great. It was also hard to try all the side dishes that were placed across the table.

I think the place is more suitable for date night, and I highly recommend coming in earlier for dinner. At around 7:30, there was already a line outside, so we were fortunate to have finished by then.

Hmm, that’s all that I have for these two weeks. I’m ashamed to admit that either I’ve been running on empty, or running on rage. Good things happen (like almost completing the entire Clique series, thanks to the local Book Sale) but bad things and blacker moods have been prevailing. Still, I have to record something of myself weekly.

I found that it helps to look back at a time when we were happier, and I can try to recapture that spirit from the words that remain. XOXO, and see you next week (I hope)!

This week, I reread Jane Austen’s Persuasion – which I enjoyed way more than my first read of it and devoured during my daily commute.

I’ve always paid attention to how Jane Austen wrote about members of the church, since she is famously the daughter of a genteel country clergyman. They get incorporated a lot into her works, and at least three of the love interests/heroes are clergy. I also appreciate the fact that she writes about them as human beings first, rather than their professions, because their characters are not always at par. In fact, I think most of them are never as good as they ought to be, and that’s a pointed observation towards a group of people she must have known very well.

So, to rank major clergymen characters in Austen:

1. Edward Ferrars from Sense and Sensibility – OK. I personally think Edward here is a little weak. I don’t understand what attracted him at all to Lucy Steele, because she’s so clearly not a good noodle (although maybe that’s because we are reading it from Elinor’s POV). I always thought Elinor deserved better than him, simply because of his failure to explain the whole truth and sort matters out for himself.

2. Mr. Collins and George Wickham from Pride and Prejudice – I had to include both. Wickham was studying to take holy orders, but he’s such a cad – imagine if he actually ended up pursuing the profession. *shudders* Collins is a little better, but he’s so odious and condescending that I should hope my parish to never be led by a person like him.

3. Henry Tilney from Northanger Abbey – I think my best beloved Austen clergyman is Tilney. He’s a genuinely good guy who knows what love entails, and isn’t afraid to pursue it. Of course, he has his flaws. He rebukes Catherine without thinking that maybe she has a point about his parents: his father might not be a monster in a horror novel, but he did treat his wife terribly. Tilney realises this in the end, I think.

4. Mr. Elton from Emma – Collins is at least odious at front. Elton is a snake of a vicar. He isn’t quite the villain (I think Emma herself is the villain in her story) but he comes very close to it. Him and the wife he eventually got deserved each other for being mean-spirited people. The poor people of Highbury.

5. Edmund Bertram from Mansfield Park – Oop, Edmund very nearly fell into temptation with Mary Crawford. Pity Edmund for making mostly correct decisions except where it may have mattered the most. I’m one of the rare people who do love Fanny Price (because how can they expect her to be as sparkling as Lizzy Bennet when she’s basically a subservient charity case in her Aunt’s care??). It was mortifying for Fanny (and for me!) to watch Edmund be so blind.

6. Charles Heyter from Persuasion – A name not familiar to many, because Charles Heyter only serves the purpose of getting together with Henrietta Musgrove, leaving the playing field for Captain Wentworth open for Louisa Musgrove (and lowkey a Miss Anne Elliot, yeehaw). Charles Heyter shows more of the circumstances of clergy rather than a character, although he seems like a good dude too. Whatever, he’s one of three Charles’ in this book.

I haven’t read through Sanditon, and I don’t recall any clergymen in Lady Susan, but I think there was a shift in how Austen characterized her leading men. From mostly genteel suitors who were landowners, clergy, or soldiers, she changes her view in Persuasion, where the good men are the productive members of the Navy – who are informed about the world and well-travelled. These are people who worked hard to get to the top of their profession, and it does look like a great compliment to Austen’s brothers and their friends who were in the Navy at the time as well. Though they don’t get much screen time until Persuasion came along, I think she made their roles here count.

I love getting trapped in Austen’s world and her time, even just for a little while. You can feel the shifts and the changes in how she thought women ought to be viewed, and even if she’s a rector’s spinster daughter from the 1800s, she writes about real people and real characters so that even a girl from the South East Asia in the 2000s can still relate to her.

Even though a lot of the criticism directed at her is that her worldview is stuck in the ball rooms of her time, I think it’s these pictures of real human beings from the mind of a wickedly funny, observant, wine aunt single woman are what make reading Austen a truly extraordinary gift.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not the least bit prepared for today’s blog post. Between the weather and the fact that the end of the 2010s is just around the corner, I’m a little bummed out. I’ll compile a happy, summer-y K-POP playlist here to cheer myself and everyone else up.

1. Red Flavor – Red Velvet: Their entire Red Summer album is one of my absolute favorites. While I like “Zoo” and “Mojito” as well, the iconic 2017 ppalganmat! fruit song cannot be dethroned in my heart.

2. Touch My Body – SISTAR: As many fans would tell you, SISTAR are the unrivalled queens of summer. This one is a classic, but another song called “Shake It” is also a strong contender.

3. View – SHINee: One of the first SHINee songs I listened to and loved from the start, I think View really solidifies what SHINee’s sound is. Also I enjoy the MV where they have fun being kidnapped.

4. Summer 127 – NCT127: Only recently did I hear this song, and it’s one of the few NCT songs I like. It’s groovy, but I judge some of the lyrics.

5. Kokobop – EXO: Another hallmark of KPOP Summer 2017, Kokobop really sickened a lot of EXO-Ls because they kept singing it everywhere. Still, it’s a jam and I love the trippy MV.

6. Party – Girl’s Generation: Other notable contenders were SNSD’s All Night and Holiday, but Party’s lyrics (‘Lemon soju, tequila, mojito!’) are more appropos.

7. ‘Bout You – Super Junior D&E: This song really gives me a lot of cheerful, happy vibes. It makes you want to dance along with D&E.

8. gogobebe – MAMAMOO: Another song for dancing, but with more drops. MAMAMOO’s vocals are nonpareil.

9. Selfish – Moon Byul x Seulgi: For people out there who just want to cut loose and focus on self-care for awhile, this one is for you. It’s a great collab that talks about wanting to be a little selfish every once in a while.

10. Bingle Bangle – AOA: The core message of this song is to shake your butt, let’s dance – isn’t that what summer is all about?

Hoping I can impart a little cheeriness in this bleak tropical winter of rain and chill. Stay healthy!

I’m proud to say that my hometown of Quezon City has many good food haunts which is perfect for the munchy family I was raised in.

Since it is a holiday today and my older brother got Php 3,000 worth of gift certificates from before, we visited this restaurant called 1950 in the Gilmore area of Quezon City.

We ordered:

1. Bone marrow (Php 380): Served in the bone itself with onion jam and toasted bread, it’s a good appetiser if you enjoy onion jam (like my sister did). I’m not a big fan of onion jam (too sweet) so I didn’t think it too tasty.

2. Caesar salad (Php 400): Three lettuce boats topped with bacon and cheese, this Caesar salad was a headache to divide among seven people. Eat it with your hands, and don’t bother with the forks.

3. Buttermilk fried chicken bites (Php 300): Really good: crisp on the outside, but tender and juicy on the inside. Served with two biscuits, I think. Made me miss fried chicken in Korea so much more – they got the texture right but I miss the kicky flavours available abroad,

4. Beef cheek bourguignon (Php 470): Three thick-ish slices of tender beef, in tomato-paste with glazed carrots and mashed potatoes. Delicious with their plain rice (Php 60/cup) but I wasn’t satisfied having to share.

5. Sinigang na lechon (Php 375): If my mother cooked sinigang like this, I would not turn up my nose at it as often. For those unfamiliar with sinigang… it’s soursop soup? tamarind soup? It’s sour and savory with meat chunks, and this one was roast pork – complete with the skin. Delicious.

6. Gambas na hipon (Php 375): I can’t quite explain what gambas is, though I’m sure that almost universally, “tasty, oily shrimp” is easily understood, yes?

7. Baked Alaska (Php 280): I think this was my favorite. It’s a plain, rich cake topped with pink ice-cream, covered in marshmallow toasted outside, then topped with strawberries and mint leaves, and finally smothered with strawberry jam. My sweet tooth was pleased.

8. Toasted ensaymada (Php 280): This was served with two slices of crisp bacon and a small cup of hot chocolate. So you dip the ensaymada (sweet brioche-like bread) with the bacon into the chocolate, then you repeat. If you’re lucky, you get to gulp that hot chocolate down your throat like a ravenous animal – which I did.

9. Mocktails: Dreaming apples (Php 150) and Red carpet (Php 150) – I ordered dreaming apples, which is best described as liquefied apple pie. My sister ordered red carpet, which was a fruity blend of strawberry and apple. I thought it was a little pricey for a drink, but I was surprised that the glass they served it in was almost comically large.

The service was pretty good, even if they are just in their soft opening stages. The ambiance is old-timey and classy, so I think it’s more suitable for a date night rather than family luncheon.

Overall, it was pretty good food, but I think it’s a little fancy and overpriced for the relatively small portions – so it doesn’t quite satisfy my family’s qualifications for a regular food-haunt. I’d give it a 7.5/10 stars.

Question of the Week: Have you jopped today?

This past week, I’ve been talking to and about my friends from childhood (who remain my closest friends until now). It shocks a lot of people that we are all still one barkada and that we still meet up and talk to each other.

Honestly, I’d ascribed the last 10 or so years to shared history, experiences, and values – but if that was the case, more people would still be friends with the same 10 people all their life.

Maybe it’s chemistry. Because on the outside, there are actually quite a number of people who we share stories, values, and ambitions with. Even if we’re all nerds who made nerd-friends in college, it’s still not the same. How can they even begin to compete with a decade’s worth of parties, summer outings, retreats, field-trips, and simple day-to-day living together?

We’re also pretty lucky to have remained drama-free. Not that we never had problems exactly, but more of, it never escalates or happens among ourselves. We’ve also let go of a lot of people we used to be close to. Though I admit, I miss some of these people a bit, sometimes it feels like a gulf stands between us and we can no longer reconnect.

After all these years, we know each other pretty well. Habits, quirks, attitudes, opinions… of course, some still manage to shock and to surprise.

Truly, it’s still a question of how we managed to remain friends for so long, when at one point in time, we have all competed with each other. Sometimes, I try to figure it out too.

Nevertheless, I’m grateful for the friends I have and the friends I’ve lost. I think we were all meant to meet for a reason. I hope we keep meeting for a long time.

Running time: approx. 4 hours – but was that enough to satisfy me? No. I must blog.

Elizabeth Gaskell’s novel North and South received a lot of new love when they made this production in 2004, and it was well-deserved. The costumes were very good, and the acting was excellent. (Oh, the decadent tension. The f e e l i n g s .)

While many people would say that the BBC site broke down that year because of then newcomer Richard Armitage as leading man John Thornton, the production was great and it related the narrative very well. I hope people genuinely enjoyed it for what it was, rather than simply a source of eye-candy.

I haven’t read the whole novel through, but I don’t think it’s easy to adapt. I do think they managed to do the novel justice. The BBC relayed a lot of the complexities and moral issues that figure heavily in the book. I liked it very much, and it’s a rare adaptation that complements and enhances the source material.

I’ve always wanted to watch it, because you don’t spend as long a time as I have in the Pride and Prejudice fandom without hearing of North. While P&P is a more subtle examination of our moral obligations to society and the marriage market, N&S is more outright revolutionary in its examination of capitalism, progress, and values.

I’m trying to write this blog as well as I can, but my monkey brain isn’t cooperating. It’s still trying to process the whole damn thing. Also, I became a Richard Armitage stan – but I’m gonna be selective about it. The man deserves to be in more sideburns and cravats.

Daniela Denby-Ashe, who plays Margaret Hale, was also very compelling. While I imagine some people got unnerved by how Margaret deals with things (miscommunication SIGH), I liked how spunky and intelligent and forward-thinking she is.

I feel like I have more words in me about this, but to spare myself and everyone else the pain, I’ll end it simply: watch the 2004 BBC adaptation of North and South, then proceed to stan. I’ll be reblogging content on Tumblr now. Bye, and see you next week for my next micro-obsession.

Today’s rainy-day posting has been brought to you by a song called “Greek Tragedy” by the Wombats.

“The whole story would have been speedily formed under her active imagination; and every thing established in the most melancholy order of disastrous love.” – Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen

Lately, my thoughts have turned a little darker than usual and I’ve been musing on what constitutes as a “tragedy”.

We use the word freely. News stories describe accidents or devastations as tragedies. We call it “tragic” when an inconvenience happens to us sometimes.

Back in freshman college English, a tragedy is what you’d describe a story that doesn’t end happily. In theatre, for example, Romeo and Juliet is a tragic play because no one gets a definitive happy ending – versus comedy plays like Much Ado Nothing, because we see the main characters enjoy happiness or rewards at the end.

But to use “tragedy” to describe a current life circumstance is to botch its meaning. Because whether or not our stories will be comedies or tragedies isn’t really up for us to decide. We have no right to pass judgment on a story that has yet to end, and stories will live as long as life itself goes on.

An old Chinese story relates the ever changing perception between good and bad fortunes. Once upon a time, wild horses of extraordinary beauty and strength appear and graze in the field of a poor old farmer. His neighbors remarked that he’s a recipient of good fortune, because the horses fetched a fine price. The wise old man smiled and said nothing of it.

One day, his only son tried to tame one of the wild horses in the field, only to be thrown off and remain crippled forever. The gossipy neighbors remarked this time that the old man has got a rotten fortune. And again, the old man said nothing.

Until such a day that war broke out, and the emperor called for all eligible and healthy men to enlist in the army. Since the old man’s son was an invalid, he was not required to enlist. While many young men fell in the war, the old man’s son was spared. The neighbors returned to their original stance that the old man was very fortunate indeed. Still, the old man said nothing about the matter – because he knew that fortune is a fickle thing, and can change any time.

I think this wisdom has been lost to us over time. We like seeing, knowing, judging – all at once. It makes us blind to possibilities, to hope itself. Because to say something is a tragedy is to deem it a lost cause. The story is finished, and it is hopeless.

And for me, I’ve been melodramatic about the period of life that came after graduation. Since I’ve begun, I regret my choice over and over again, bemoaning myself as a tragedy – as a waste. A lot of innocent beliefs and naiveté have been lost in this time period, and a great deal of what I used to love and to respect (newspapers and journalists, for starters) has wavered a lot.

Perhaps I’ve become just another jaded cynic in the world.

But if it’s of any comfort to myself at least, my own story isn’t over yet. I have more decisions to make and things to think about. I just have to be more discerning in my path, and more hopeful. Because to lose all of that love permanently would truly be a tragedy, and it might not be something I can bear.

Maybe it would be truly tragic if I never learn from my experience. But I hope that when I look back at this time of life – where we’re all young and sparkling and beautiful – I can look, laugh, and cherish the memories that pass by.

Right, so we’re not starting on the first level of my bookshelf because a.) It’s a mess and b.) I think a lot of my major collections are on this level.

1. Is a unicorn keychain my sister brought back from Singapore? or Japan? Unsure. But it was cute and my bookshelf needed a guardian so there she hangs.

2. An old children’s storybook Bible given to me by a not-very-nice old lady. The concept is cute though, with little animals guiding and narrating through some pretty heavy and not PG-13 theological stuff.

3. The Babysitter’s Club – first three books of the series in one volume. It begins with Kristy setting up the club, Claudia failing math, and Stacy letting people know she has diabetes.

4. Two volumes of Jughead’s Daily Digest which are always fun to read.

5. A Php 10 copy of Sweet Valley University, bought during a Christmas fair at school. I was a young fool, because I thought it would be a lot like the old SVH stuff but it’s more soap opera to be honest.

6. A mooncake box made by my cousin for a hotel, but as of today I’m using it as a trinket box.

7. BBC Sherlock Casebook – I had a BBC Sherlock phase and that is all you need to know.

8. The Scorpio Races is a great read! Once, I was reading it on the steps of my parish and a kindly older priest passed by. Because of its red spine, he thought it was a Bible and commended me for reading my Bible. He walked away before I could correct him.

9. Nick Joaquin’s Cave & Shadows for freshman merit English class (I didn’t like it but I had such a hard time finding a copy so I can’t bear to throw it away – sunk cost fallacy, I know.), above it is a research material on climate change printed here, and the Filipino translation of a novel called The Mango Bride… which I bought mistakenly because… I didn’t read the label :—)

10. My journal and a Communication Law and Ethics handout

11. A travel guide to London bought at a book sale, and a paper on Jane Austen, Feminism, and Fiction which connects those very three topics.

12. Two favorite novels: Cruel Beauty and Journey to the River Sea. I more or less took the latter from my cousin who had the copy but never read it. (Me taking books from people not reading them is a lifelong habit which you will see later on.)

13. Books 3 – 7 of the Harry Potter series. The first two in original cover are hard to find. I have begged people for Book 6 for years, and I THINK I bought it eventually from a Book Sale but I forgot about it, because when it resurfaced out of the shelf recently, I was very surprised I had it.

14. The Hunger Games boxed set I searched the earth for when I was thirteen, plus a book of essays about the trilogy as a birthday from the friend who introduced me to the series in the first place. I’m really excited about the prequel novel which was announced recently.

15. My boxed set of John Green novels from when I was fifteen, which I ordered from Amazon. It was probably one of the first few parcels I ever had my dad pick up from the post office.

16. Copies of Anna & The French Kiss, Lola & The Boy Next Door, and Isla & The Happy Ever After. I lined up for ten hours to have Anna and Lola signed by author Stephanie Perkins, and it was really amazing.

17. A Court of Thorns and Roses, A Court of Mist and Fury, and A Court of Wings and Ruin – probably one of the most devastating book series that occupied a huge chunk of my time in college – I spent WEEKS obsessing over Mist and Fury after I read it. It was the best in the trilogy, and the novella and coloring book of the series is stocked on a different shelf.

18. Small writing pads and writing prompt notes, medals from college.

19. A French translation book, and two Princess Diaries How-To guides. The pink one is on how to be a princess, which is very on brand for me to buy. The blue one is about princesses in history and in fiction, which was owned by a friend who never cared for the Princess Diaries as much as me, so I more or less got it from her.

20. The Kane Chronicles trilogy by Rick Riordan – another friend was moving out and into her med school dorm, so she was giving away old books and I couldn’t let those babies go to some stranger.

21. Pocket guide to the Kane Chronicles universe, which I bought for myself during a Christmas book haul many moons ago.

When you read a lot of historical, princess-y books as a child (as I did), you’d be sure to encounter the term “embroidery” and wonder why everyone hated doing it.

Camp Princess by Kathryn Lasky and Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine are ones that talk more about embroidery and these are what stuck in my mind since I was eight years old or so.

And those thoughts never left, so two years ago I began learning embroidery. I bought thread from Daiso, and my best friend acquired needles and a hoop for me for my birthday.

I love it.

Embroidery gives me such peace and joy to work on. If you want time and space for your brain to just let loose, I highly recommend it. It’s one of those focus activities like coloring for adults and stuff.

Here are some of the things I’ve done, and I haven’t learned a great many stitches but when I was still in college, I did try to.

Above is when I tried to embroider flowers: the left is an orchid, the right is a white poppy, and below was supposed to be a flower called the Asian bleeding heart.

I love KPop boyband SHINee and the year I got into embroidery was the same time I started listening to them. The Korean characters come from a song title called Beautiful Life from their 1 and 1 album. The colors of the thread I used were shades of “pearlescent aqua” which is their official fandom color. The diamond is their official shape, after one of their Japanese songs called Diamond Sky.

This was another attempt at SHINee, based on these special alien designs of them which were released for their View album. The first one is Onew, which I think came out the best, because I used a long-and-short stitch on his hair. Jonghyun, Key, and Minho did not turn out well as I had hoped. I like the work I did on Taemin, especially on his cap. I draw the designs on my fabric using pencil, so rather than a fault on stitchery, this was more of my inability to draw males.

This was my first major project, and it was inspired by Jane Austen’s Persuasion. I think this was supposed to be Anne Elliot looking all thoughtful at the sea, atop a cliff. It might also be inspired a little by Demelza of Poldark. I love seaside views, and I wanted there to be a little flower frame – so I took a small plate and traced out the circle.

This one was inspired by a K-Drama called 100 Days My Prince or Dear Husband of a Hundred Days. I don’t want to talk about the drama or else I’d be stuck here forever, but I really liked how the cherry blossom tree came out. The hanbok shape isn’t quite right though, and I couldn’t figure out how to stitch the hand, but I think the outline effect of using mostly back stitches worked okay.

This is a more recent work and I think I got better with flowers? I bought the threads for these in Daiso Korea for 1,000 won. The rose on the upper-right hand is my favorite, and the orchid below was inspired by Disney’s Mulan – which is one of my favorite Disney films and “princesses”.

This is the latest thing I’ve been working on, which I’m hoping will be very colorful and bright and East Asian in style. The center is supposed to be a baby phoenix but it came out looking like a little chicken. I still haven’t figured out what other colors to use, but I’m really pleased with the blue and gray threads from Daiso Korea!

I guess that’s all I have for now. I have other scraps of projects and trials and things, but I haven’t gotten around to doing those. It’s a time-consuming hobby but I think it’s rewarding and fulfilling.