Month: March 2020

To be perfectly clear, I became a Shawol (SHINee fan) through my older sister. She took my head and dunked it down the Pearl Aqua swirly, and never let me go since. She has also never let me forget the fact.

My sister became a Shawol after Park Seo Joon kept gushing about Minho being a SHINee member during the Hwarang promotions. After discovering SHINee’s 1 of 1, she decided that I, her impressionable younger sister, was her primary target to turn. She even had me fly out to Singapore for their Music Bank appearance in 2018.

And honestly, there is no good reason not to like, support, and stan SHINee. I could write an essay on what a truly amazing, talented, hardworking, and devastatingly handsome group of idols SHINee is, but I’m more reflective these days.

I’ve been thinking about how SHINee got me through a lot of hard tines. Their song “A-yo” which is famously cringey, really made me feel hopeful throughout college. So your grades suck and your love life is a mess? A-yo. It’s gonna be okay. You can pull yourself back together. It’s fine.

That song got me through college, my internship, my thesis – really, SHINee is a big reason why I graduated at all and my parents should be very thankful.

Infinitely less cringey and something I keep thinking about now as an adult is something my bias Key said in one interview.

“Every field has swans and chickens. The thing I find saddest is not a chicken chasing after a swan and dying without becoming one. It’s when a chicken can’t live like a chicken.”

Here, he describes that there are those who were naturally blessed with talents and gifts. Then he describes himself as a “chicken” who has to struggle when swimming in the pond with the graceful swans.

And I think it keeps popping up in my mind because: a.) I love, admire, and respect Key all the more for it (who is so creative and extraordinary in his own right) and b.) That is the lifelong fight I have to face, where I’m not too gifted nor too determined to pursue anything in particular, so I have to work hard and do things my way in order to be happy.

For a long time, I’ve measured my success by the others’ worldview of success. Now that I haven’t been particularly successful or strong enough with my first job, it’s easy for me to think I’m some kind of failure – an overachieving child who couldn’t bring it on.

But really, Key’s words are comforting because it asks what is the point of being traditionally successful when you could be successful in your own eyes? Why do we have to chase after everyone else, when we could be happy and creative in our own way?

This is my reflection, after three years with SHINee. Nothing holds them back because they’re not too focused on following the trend. They are unapologetically and unabashedly being themselves and trying new things – so that’s why they’re appeal endures.

I hope to spend many more years basking in their light, and to live the rest of my life as a happy chicken.

I forgot to blog last week. I’d been too caught up in completing the documents needed for my resignation. In other words…

I’M A FREE WOMAN!

Today is my first day being jobless since college ended, and what a pleasantnday it has been so far.

I woke up at 6:30 to do some exercise and yoga, then I had breakfast with banana milk, and I got to take my time in the shower.

Now I am writing, and maybe later I can read and paint and plan on embroidering a denim jacket….

While there is no certainty with what I will do to earn my bread, well… there is not much certainty on Earth these days.

This week has been the beginning of the biggest worldwide crisis in recent memory, and there are no signs of it stopping soon. I pray everyone will stay safe and healthy, and that all the governments do their part this time.

Welcome, dear viewers (mostly imagined) to a blog idea I was urged to act on this week. I’m going to show the contents of this orange box of personal keepsakes. The box itself is from my cousin, who made these for a local hotel for their Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival Mooncakes.

There are two “floors” in the box in my mind. This is the upper floor, which will be unpacked in the next image.

#1 and #9 are birthday gifts from my friend Char, who knows I collect pins: there’s one about adulting that says “Oh yes. I absolutely have no idea.”, two sparkly ones inspired by two favorite Red Velvet title tracks of mine, and the Ladybug – Chat Noir pair designed by a local artist. #11 is the wrapping it came in. I missed seeing Char’s handwriting which is why I kept it.

#2 is a squishy cat gift from a caregroup leader, while #3 is a gift from a colleague who travelled to Thailand and says the charms are lucky. #4 is also a gift from that same colleague, and it’s a pin that says “Always Tired.”

#5 is yet another gift from the same caregroup leader – it’s supposed to be a clay keychain of Nam Joo Hyuk’s character from Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo. #6a-c are stickers made by the Rizal Library Ambassadors – my org of two years back in college.

#7 is a Park Bo Gum pin I won when I won a Twitter raffle of Park Bo Gum Indonesia during the 2017 Music Bank in Singapore. #8 is a gift from my friend Pong – it’s a teeny tiny book of Jane Austen quotes she picked up in London. #10 is a small duck figurine two of my friends bought for me during a high school field trip.

#12 and #13 are respective SHINee Key merch – one is a pin that says KEY in Korean, while the other is a small keychain where you can switch out small photos of SHINee, like a modern day Victorian locket.

#1 is a pair of Suho socks I bought a week ago! Admittedly, it doesn’t look quite like him.

#2 are presents from my sister from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Japan. I got a Slytherin and Ravenclaw cards from the Chocolate Frogs, which I’m happy about since they’re my House founders. My sister also bought me a Time-Turner.

#3 is a photo of Key.

#4 is a photo of Key THAT CAN BE USED AS A BAG TAG.

#5 came from the Red Velvet hand fans I ordered the last time, so those are stickers for the fan – I think. I don’t want to use them yet.

#6 is another bag tag from the SHILLA Beauty Concert my sister attended, when Red Velvet and SHINee were promoting for it.

#7 are cut-outs of Suho and Baekhyun from their Pepero endorsements, while #8 is a calligraphied name of mine given by a friend who asked her friend to do it. #9 is a postcard I got when I ordered the Lizzie Bennet Diaries box set, many many moons ago.

I like looking at the inside of this box because I’m reminded of things I love wholeheartedly, almost shamelessly. It doesn’t matter s much to me anymore if people don’t understand why these things are important to me. They just are. That’s love.

Till next time!