It is exactly what it says on the tin. Let’s get cracking. I will be sorting Jane Austen’s characters to their respective ABBA theme song – which I will cherry-pick from among my favorites in the Mamma Mia! and Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again soundtracks. OK , let’s go!

Money, Money, Money: This song is so universal, I could assign it to a dozen Austen characters and it would work. But I have to say, I am giving this one to Mrs. Bennet, though the wealthy man is not for her – it is for her daughters. The song outlines the first two or three chapters of Pride and Prejudice, where Austen puts a magnifying glass on money and the marriage-market.

Mamma Mia: This one is for my girl, Anne Elliot. Yes, she has been brokenhearted and blue since the day she was persuaded to part with Captain Wentworth. She spends 20% of the first chapter asking herself why she let him go.

Dancing Queen: Young and (not really) sweet, but almost seventeen – Lydia Bennet is a dancing queen raring to go at every ball she goes to. And she really does have the time of her life! Except when it nearly ruined her and her sisters’ reputations.

The Name of the Game: This song is best suited for Catherine Morland, the curious child with a first crush on a guy who understands her. Honestly, Henry Tilney is the one Austen hero who has never given me a reason to doubt his affection and intentions. They’re like, the only straightforward couple here.

Take A Chance On Me: Fanny Price is the character that fits this song best, and honestly the reason why I had the idea to come up with this list at all. If a Regency woman was allowed to properly hit on a man, all Fanny has to do is borrow the words from ABBA.

When I Kissed The Teacher: It’s a low blow but this jam is for Frank Churchill on the day everyone learned he was secretly engaged to almost-governess Jane Fairfax. The village of Highbury would have screamed if it was polite to do so.

Waterloo: Finally, an ABBA song with a title that Jane Austen herself would be familiar with. Napoleon was a distantly looming character in Austen’s context, given her brothers were in the navy fighting the French in the Napoleonic Wars. I would say this is a song for the couples where Austen has battling at the beginning, like Lizzie-Darcy or Emma-Knightley.

Why Did It Have To Be Me: Lady Susan is Austen’s best lady-fuccboi character: beautiful, charming, and manipulative. So of course, men are just toys to play with for her. Poor Reginald. He deserved much better treatment from his future mother-in-law.

Angel Eyes: Truly, another song that can be applied to a number of Jane Austen cads – but I have to give this dedication up to Mr. John Willoughby. This is a song only Marianne Dashwood could sing, backed by Miss Sophia Grey and the younger Eliza, Colonel Brandon’s ward. He took their hearts and everyone paid a different price. Fortunately, Marianne gets the best bargain, methinks.

Austen was a woman remarkably ahead of her time, but I don’t know if she would approve of this list. I think she wold be cool with it.

That’s all for this week, and remember to stay classy!

Love advice #001: Find yourself a pardner you will never get tired of saying “Howdy!” to.